Category Archives: Birth Stories

Death Of A Dream

Have you ever had a dream die?


I have had quite a few.  I have had goals that I didn’t reach.  I have pursued dreams that along the way lost their importance during that period of my life for one reason or another, like pursuing my master’s degree.   I have had businesses that failed to be economically viable even after tremendous efforts on my part.  Though many dreams did turn out wonderful, I have had other dreams, wants, and desires that have changed over the years and did not come to pass.
But one dream that has ended in death in my life hurts the most.  It is the dream of holding a child in my arms, and hopes and plans are made, and then suddenly that dream turns to a nightmare when that child has died and I will never hold it.

I recently had a miscarriage.  Today it feels like a dream…a hope that has died…


It is my second miscarriage of a confirmed pregnancy.   I was about 10 weeks along this time when the bleeding began.   I went through 10 days of bleeding and 24 hours of labor and heavy bleeding.  I delivered the baby and placenta at noon on Saturday March 22, 2014 when I was about 11 1/2 weeks along.   A dream of a beautiful child had died.  I was grateful for the chance to hold the small baby and say goodbye.  I didn’t have that closure last time and it was much harder to get through the experience. 

On October 19th, 2010  I was 13 to 14 weeks along when I miscarried.  I already had a natural ob doctor, a midwife, and had plans for a doula too.  I had a normal sonogram and blood work, and had already made plans for the new baby.  But when I lost the baby, I was in such shock from extreme blood loss, I did not get to hold it and say goodbye.  That was much more devastating to journey through.  I grieved deeply, and it helped me to reach out through writing down my feelings, and sharing with other women who know what it is like, but it took many months to get through the grief.   I definitely believe I needed the opportunity to hold my child and say goodbye for a healthy healing from the situation.

During this miscarriage and for the week following, I bled heavily.  Then slowly the bleeding decreased until it stopped almost three weeks after the miscarriage.  I took some vitamin K to try to get the bleeding to slow down.  For the first 5 days I struggled to regulate my blood pressure.  The upper number swung from 105 to 165 about every 15  to 30 minutes.  The bottom number swung from 65 to 95 about every 3 hours.  And my pulse ranged from 100 to 115 while at rest.  I felt like my heart was beating out of my chest.  I also suffered from an extreme migraine headache and nausea.  Everytime the blood pressure was in the process of climbing the headache would get intense, and every time it would fall I had a nauseated sick feeling that I was about to throw up.  This lasted for several days.  During this time I also took chlorophyll capsules, EmergenC powdered vitamin blend mixed into water, Concentrace minerals, and spoonfuls of blackstrap molasses to build back up my iron after the blood loss and re-establish my hydration and electrolyte balance.  I had bleeding and severe anemia for 12 weeks last time I miscarried, and I did not want a repeat of that situation.  Finally around day six, things started returning to normal for me and the blood pressure stabilized and my resting pulse decreased to a normal rate and I slowly felt my energy coming back.  About a week later I felt I was on the mend and my stamina started increasing.  I was so thankful it went better this time than last time.

I have read statistics that 1 in 4 to approximately 1 in 5 pregnancies naturally end in miscarriage.  It is devastating to know these numbers are so high and they have been a reality in my own life and for so many other families.  I was comforted to know a few other women through an online forum of Christian woman, who were miscarrying at the same time I was and we could all pray for each other.  The forum is a healthy eating group forum I am on,but folks sometimes share about other things happening in their life, and though it was heartbreaking, hundreds of other women began praying for us when we let them know what was happening, and many openly spoke about miscarriages they had been through too.  It was bitter sweet and I am grateful to all of those who prayed for me. 

We are a large family and don’t believe in controlling fertility.  We have had folks in our life, both family and friends, who had said things like, “be happy with no children”, “don’t have more than two children”, “children are too expensive” and so on.  We have recently even had a family member say sternly when we needed help due to a job loss “don’t have more children”.  However, we don’t agree with our American culture to kill pregnancies with birth control chemicals, or to surgically clip or tie shut the tubes that God created allow sperm or eggs to travel to meet and fertilize.  We believe to do such things is to become a god if we were to take away or prevent life.  The bible says we are created in the image of God.  It also says that children are a blessing.  We believe the bible, and we believe God is in control of life.  We believe we are not to take away life,and that HE is creator, the great I AM, the Alpha and the Omega, our provider, and the GOD OF FERTILITY.  This was a process and decision we came to after several years of marriage and we still believe this to be true, even in the face of miscarriage and not understanding why it has happened this way.

We decided after being married for about 5 years, and through a lot of prayer and our church praying for us to have children, that we wanted to serve as foster parents.  We went through extensive training to become therapeutic foster parents.  After we had been married seven or eight years and was unable to have our own children naturally, the doctor labeled us infertile and wanted to do exploratory surgery and put us on fertility medications to try to improve our chances of getting pregnant.  We prayed about it, our church prayed with us to, and eventually we came to the decision that “no, we would not do any of those things, but would trust God in his infallible and infinite wisdom”.  If he chose for us to remain childless and instead do foster care and adoption then that was the route we would follow.  If he decided to allow us to get pregnant naturally then that is the route we would follow.  We continued being therapeutic foster parents, and then went through a homestudy and certification for adoption.  

Our church continued to pray with us that we would have natural children of our own too. About the time we were approved for adoption, a mom of one of the youth in our youth group came up to us and said she had been praying for us and that God told her within two
years we would hold a son in our arms.  We accepted what God told her right then. Our whole church gave God praise for this word from the Lord. There is power in faith.
  
Sure enough, within two years to the day she spoke to us, we had given birth to a son. That was 13 1/2 years ago and I was already 30 years old.  Since that time, God has continued to bless our home with children born from our womb.  We have a 13 year old son, an 11 year old son, a 9 year old son, a 6 year old daughter, a 5 year old son, and a 2 year old son, and two babies in heaven.   God is the God of fertility and he will remain so in our life.


We just celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary this past week.  Though it has been a difficult journey, and it has been a long time to see the dream of a family we have today manifest in our life, and some dreams have lived and manifested in wonderful ways, and other dreams have died along the journey, we are greatly blessed to be parents to them all and to have traveled this journey together.   

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Our New Addition





Joshua Asher Weiser is here. (Joshua=The Lord is my salvation and Asher=Blessed)



He was born November 17th by emergency C section. He weighed 8 lbs. and is 21 inches long.

He spent two days in the NICU at Mission Hospital in Asheville.  Though he had a rough start, he is doing great now.  I spent five days at Pardee Hospital in Hendersonville.  I would not wish an emergency C section on my worst enemy!  It is a horrible ordeal!

I will write more about our birth story soon.  Look for an upcoming  birth story called “Birthing Joshua”. 



We have been recovering for the past six weeks.  I had anemia in addition to having the emergency C section.  Recovering involved a lot of sitting, and my husband and oldest kids doing the tasks I would normally do, taking care of the younger kids, cooking, cleaning, and helping me get up to go to the bathroom, etc.  For the most part, I only had to take care of our newborn baby, Joshua.  But, it is hard to not be able to do even the basic things you normally would do.

After the surgery, the doctor put me on restricted activity for six weeks, no driving, no lifting, minimal standing and walking, etc.  I was told if I lifted anything over 10 lbs, or if I over exerted myself, I could cause severe scar tissue and set back my recover process.  The doctor had said my incisions should be healed enough to start walking some after the six week mark. 

Praise God, I am finally feeling better and able to get around some. 
We made it to our six week mark this week, so I am ready to start moving more and get out of the house more.  Though I am very tired, and sleep deprived from having a new born baby, the brain fog is starting to lift.  Yesterday, we took a short day trip to the Charlotte NC area to explore.  I did a little walking.  I am writing a story about it called “Dan Nicholas Park”.  

Facing death affects you.  Facing trials affects you.  Facing the loss of your dreams and plans affects you.  I would not have been able to face any of these things had I not had faith that God was with me and helping me through.  I had planned on a beautiful natural birth with a midwife, but instead we birthed in a hospital hooked up to medical devices that I never wanted.  I had planned to hold my new baby immediately at birth, instead I was unconscious from general anesthesia and my baby was sent to another hospital.  I had planned on my birthing expenses being $2,500 and instead it will cost $40,000.   I had planned to be back on my feet within a week or two of delivery, instead it has taken six weeks to get back to basic functions, and could take six months before I am able to function as I did before the surgery. 

We faced a huge challenge of life and death for us both. But God was there with us and gave us strength to go through these trials.  With each passing day, we are stronger and grateful to be here.





I thank everyone for your prayers, well wishes, and checking on us as we have progressed through this trial.  When we returned home from the hospital, the local homeschool community brought meals to our home for two weeks.  What a blessing it was!  My husband has cooked eggs and oatmeal for my breakfast for six weeks, served me raw milk, and given me my vitamins and iron supplement, and helped me eat healthy so I could recover quicker.  My iron level went from an 8 at surgery to an 11 four weeks later, because he consistently fed me a protein and iron rich diet.  I could not have done this and looked after the family on my own, and his contribution has made a huge difference in the speed of my recovery.  It has not been easy and most days he had to get up by 4:30 am to make breakfast for me and the family, and get ready for work.  Then he hurried home to help with dinner, laundry, cleaning, dishes, etc. too.   I am grateful for each blessing that has come, and has allowed my body time to heal.  Now, I am ready to make him breakfast again (I’ve accomplished two days of cooking breakfasts, lunch, and dinners so far), but he can keep the chore of the dishes if he wants too!

I am excited about life, about what God is doing in my life, my family, and I am looking forward to more activity in the days and weeks and months ahead.

I have set up a baby registry at Walmart, if anyone would like to send gift certificates or items to bless our family, I greatly appreciate it.  Thank you in advance. 






 

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Miscarriage

Miscarriage
A Poem about Life and Death
by Melinda Weiser


You were here, in my womb.
God gave you to me.  I loved you from the start.
I grew with you.  You changed me.
I will never forget.

You left me, so quickly.  You left me to soon.
Your absence has created a whole in my heart.
The sea of red, the pain, brokeness, and sadness,
I will never forget.

My milk is waiting to feed you.  My arms are aching to hold you. 
But the time has passed, and the potential has bled away. 
I still long to touch you, and to kiss you.
I will never foget.

You came from heaven, and that is where you are now. 
It is where you were meant to go from the start.
The short time we spent together, growing hopes and dreams.
I will never forget.

You must wait for me, sweet precious one.
Untill we are no longer apart.
Sweet moments are gone.  My heart breaks and aches.
I will never forget.

When Jesus says “Enter in” I will rejoice, 
I will leap for joy to be with my Savior, Lord, and King.
In heaven I will see you some day. Then I will hold you, and kiss you.
I will never forget.


I lost my precious baby to miscarriage on October 19th, 2010.



Micarriage is an ugly word and an ugly thing.
It is the death of a life.  The death of an innocent life. 
Your body puts forth a great amount of effort to grow this life.
Birth is beautiful.  Miscarriage is ugly. 

Miscarriage is a theif.
You change, physically and mentally. 
You may suffer from symptoms you cannot control while you grow this life inside.  
Miscarriage robs you of the rewards!
You have nothing good to show for the changes and efforts you have put forth.  
 
Miscarriage is an angry word. 
It is violent.  It is sudden. 
It steals your strength.  It steals your blood, your very life force. 
It leaves you exhausted, without energy, covered in blood, deficient, aching, and wounded.
It wounds the mother, the father, and the whole family. 

Miscarriage is a lonely word. 
It is humiliating.
It is embarrasing. 
You have told everyone you are expecting a new baby.
You were excited.
Now you have to tell everyone you have lost the baby.
You don’t want them to feel sorry for you.  You don’t want them to feel uncomfortable and not know what to say. 
You don’t want to hear them say, “you can try again”.   
You hide your pain.  It is a private grief.

Miscarriage is a cruel irony.
You have been preparing for this life you are carrying.  You are wearing pregnancy clothes.
You may have spent money on clothing for yourself, and bought items for your new baby. 
You may have already rearranged things in your life to prepare for his or her arrival. 
You’ve likely paid a doctor or midwife to look after your prenatal care.
You may have prepared a room for your new child.
Now, baby is gone.  The clothing, the room, and the items seem ironic and out of place. 
It seems like a sureal dream.
You cry.

How many women are hurting, aching, and feeling alone?
How many are angry? 
How many don’t have someone to talk to and cry with?
How many feel they can’t talk to their husband, or pastor, or family about their loss?
How long will she suffer and the pain continue in her heart?

Approximately one in four, to one in five pregnancies end in a miscarriage. 
If you have had a miscarriage, talk with someone about what you are going through.
Or if you know a woman who has had one, please reach out to her and support her.

It will take time to heal.
It will take support to heal. 
It will take love to heal.
She will never forget.


 



 


 

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